Free Fall
by d.honey
Summary: He watches her fall


* * *

She clutched at the steel bars with both hands, her eyes shut tightly, her entire body tensed like a tightened coil. Behind her, a concerned voice asked, "Are you sure this is the way you want to do this?"

She swallowed before replying. "I need to get over this."

The wind force increased as they continued their elevation. Squinting his eyes against the hair whipping into them, Noboru pulled his open jacket close, wrapping it around him tightly. "Yes, well, most people decide to defeat their fear by getting on a plane, not by bungee jumping."

Makoto inhaled deeply. "I can't be afraid of falling. Fear of falling is different from a fear of planes. I'm not afraid of being on a plane; I'm afraid of the plane falling and crashing, and me plunging to a horrible, flaming death."

Noboru frowned. "Makoto-"

The metal cage jolted as the crane stopped their ascent. Makoto instinctively squeezed the bars tighter. Noboru stumbled, leaning heavily to one side.

He watched as Makoto trembled, while the worker checked her body harness once more. Her body jerked as the worker pulled and tugged to ensure stability and fit. Finally, the worker stepped back and nodded to Makoto, who could not see him because her eyes were still firmly shut.

Sensing the confirmation and feeling the worker step back, Makoto opened her eyes almost reverently and surveyed the view. The cage shifted slightly back and forth. Makoto shut her eyes quickly again, her body visibly shaking. She felt the sky spin around her, and she tried to ground herself in the middle of it by flexing her hands on the railing, leaning support on her arms as her knees bent, threatening to bring her to her knees. Her breath grew heavy, and she felt something in her stomach shifting in protest.

She swallowed the urge to vomit and forced herself to breathe slowly.

Noboru turned to the worker. In a low voice, he began, "Take us down-"

But Makoto would not let him finish. "No," she said forcefully, slowly turning around until she faced them, rebalancing her hands on the cold steel to either side. She inched her feet backwards until she felt the border of her shoes right at the edge of the cage.

Makoto felt like weeping as the wind blew the cage. Her heart beat faster and harder than she'd ever remember. She was sure the two others could see her shirt moving, right above her breast, could count the beats, just as she could hear it in her ears. Dull, but loud.

Noboru became desperate. "Makoto. Makoto, why are you doing this? Do the other girls know? Do they-"

Again, she cut him off. She opened her green eyes and focused them on his. Concentrating very hard to look solely him, she said, "I asked you to come because I didn't want to be alone. . . I asked you for the same reason that I'm doing this instead of just getting on a plane."

She moved back a couple inches. She kept her eyes steady, on Noboru. His jacket billowing large with the strong breeze, his long curly hair fluttering away; his eyes – were they pleading? – to understand. He leaned forward as if he wanted to move closer, but he didn't dare.

"I can't be afraid of falling." She said it like she wanted him to understand, but didn't know any other way to explain it. That _was_ her explanation.

"Mako-"

"I can't be afraid of falling." She crossed her arms over her chest. Her voice dropped to a whisper he wasn't sure he heard. "I can't be afraid of not being caught."

And she launched herself from the cage. The worker quickly grabbed Noboru, when he stepped forward, almost as if to catch the fallen girl, having forgotten that she was bungee jumping and not throwing herself off a cliff. Though, he could not see the differentiation for her.

Makoto fell at a speed unimaginable to anyone who hasn't experienced it themselves. She felt the wind pushing against her and streaming her hair behind her. With her eyes still shut and her mouth restraining a scream, Makoto embraced her body and felt as if she were falling to her death.

Later, grounded once again, Noboru would look at her as if he wanted to say something. But he would not find the words. And she would stare back at him and not take back the words she had spoken. Because she could not find a reason.

* * *

end

Theme: Vertigo (#50) - theme taken from 101_Kisses themes list


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